松本まで足を伸ばし、北欧（ノルウェー、スウェーデン、フィンランド）の絵を見てきた。当事者仲間と一緒に観たからか、70点程度、じっくりゆっくり観てくることができた。
解説文は頭に入ってこなかったところもあったけど、絵は楽しむことができた。病前どのように絵を観ていたのだろうと思うほど、新鮮な感覚で絵を観た気がする。ムンクの絵も初めて観たが、テオドール・キッテルセン（1857-1914)の作品は幻想が現実に生きていて、とても印象的だった。
草間彌生が松本出身ということで、草間彌生の常設展もあり、それも観てきた。私は2022年、陽性症状でハイになっていた頃、車でこの美術館に来たことがあって、その時にこの草間彌生の展示を見ていた。今回はその時よりゆっくり鑑賞することができた。ムンク同様、苦悩と創造という印象を受けた。
統合失調症の創作意欲は陽性症状の頃に爆発的に出るものだと思う。ムンクも草間彌生もその時に積極的に創作したのだろう。死に近づいた人たちの危機感ある創造性が伝わってきて、共鳴することができた。死に近づかないと生も響かないという人もいるが、死に近づくことは苦しくて発狂したくなるものだ。決して綺麗なストーリーにはまとめられないが、それでも私たちは死ぬまで何かを作っていくのだと思う。
English below
I went all the way to Matsumoto to see paintings from Scandinavia (Norway, Sweden, and Finland). Perhaps because I was with fellow sufferers, I was able to look at about 70 pieces at a leisurely pace.
I didn’t understand some of the explanatory text, but I was able to enjoy the paintings. I felt like I was looking at the paintings with a fresh feeling, which made me wonder how I looked at paintings before my illness. It was also my first time seeing Munch’s paintings, and Theodor Kittelsen’s (1857-1914) works were very impressive, as the fantasy was brought to life in reality.
Yayoi Kusama was from Matsumoto, so there was also a permanent exhibition of Yayoi Kusama, which I also went to see. I came to this museum by car in 2022 when I was high from positive symptoms, and I saw this Yayoi Kusama exhibition at that time. This time, I was able to appreciate the works more slowly than then. Like Munch, I was impressed by anguish and creation.
I think that the creative desire of schizophrenia explodes during positive symptoms. Munch and Yayoi Kusama must have been actively creating at that time. I was able to resonate with the sense of crisis of people who were close to death. Some people say that life doesn’t resonate with you unless you get close to death, but getting close to death is painful and makes you want to go crazy. It can never be summarized in a beautiful story, but I think we will continue to create something until we die.
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