2年ぶりに母校の友人に会いに長岡へ行ってきた。長岡が不慣れで土地勘がなくgoogle mapを見ても路地名が頭に入ってこずに少し苦労したが、約束していたカフェには到着する事ができ、友人にも会うことができた。久しぶりだけど久しぶりな感覚がしなかった。会えて話せて、時間を共有できて、とても嬉しかった。
病気のこと、家族のこと、今感じていることを、辿々しくも正直に話すことができた。
病気になってから病前からの友人に会うのは初めてだった。そのくらい私は人に会っていなかった。いとこと、恩師と恩師の配偶者にしか会って話してこなかった。私は一人だった。
頭が回らず切符も券売機で買えないくらいの私だが、病気でも人とかかわることはできるのだと思った。
病後に意識するようになったV・E・フランクルも病気は贈り物だというようなことを書いていて、私はとてもじゃないけどまだこの病気を贈り物とは思えないけど、人生は「問い」で、この問いに応えていくことが生きるという考え方は、これからの私の生きる指針になりそうだ。
行きの電車の中で見た海はとても綺麗だった。
English below
I went to Nagaoka to see a friend from my alma mater for the first time in two years. I was not familiar with Nagaoka and I was not familiar with the area, so I had a little trouble remembering the names of the streets even when I looked at Google Maps, but I was able to arrive at the cafe we had agreed to meet and meet my friend. It had been a long time, but it didn’t feel like it had been a long time. I was very happy to see and talk to him and share time with him.
I was able to talk honestly, even though it was a little hesitant, about my illness, my family, and how I was feeling at the time.
It was the first time I had met a friend from before I got sick since I got sick. That’s how little I had seen people. I had only met and talked with my cousin, my former teacher, and his spouse.
I was so confused that I couldn’t even buy a ticket from a ticket machine, but I realized that even with illness, I could still interact with people.
V. E. Frankl, who I became aware of after my illness, also wrote that illness is a gift, and although I still can’t see my illness as a gift, the idea that life is a “question” and that living by answering these questions will likely become my guide for living from now on.
The sea I saw on the train on the way there was very beautiful.
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